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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

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  • Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
  • Create Date：2021-03-29 11:17:53
  • Update Date：2025-09-07
  • Status：finish
  • Author：Marshall B. Rosenberg
  • ISBN：189200528X
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Summary

The latest edition of the communication guide that has sold more than 1，000，000 copies
 
An enlightening look at how peaceful communication can create compassionate connections with family， friends， and other acquaintances， this international bestseller uses stories， examples， and sample dialogues to provide solutions to communication problems both at home and in the workplace。 Guidance is provided on identifying and articulating feelings and needs， expressing anger fully， and exploring the power of empathy in order to speak honestly without creating hostility， break patterns of thinking that lead to anger and depression， and communicate compassionately。 Included in the new edition is a chapter on conflict resolution and mediation。

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Reviews

Cagne ，

It was a recommended read in a course about effective communication， I have even joined a local group about it， which the pandemic halted on its tracks。 The book itself wasn't really a page-turner， took me two years to finish， but I'm optimistic about its teachings so I'm going to put into notes to make them easily accessible for later review， and see if I can apply this in daily life。 It was a recommended read in a course about effective communication， I have even joined a local group about it， which the pandemic halted on its tracks。 The book itself wasn't really a page-turner， took me two years to finish， but I'm optimistic about its teachings so I'm going to put into notes to make them easily accessible for later review， and see if I can apply this in daily life。 。。。more

ESTER PRAT ，

Aquest llibre ha estat absolutament excepcional。 Si el que busques és millorar la teva manera de comunicar-te， aquest és el teu llibre ja que et dona moltísimes guies i consells per a millorar-ho i també per com rebre la comunicació dels altres。

Crystaline ，

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 This is the best book I've read this year。Key take aways， while others may trigger and emotion they are not the cause of it。 The cause is always within ourselves。Express emotion not judgement。 Often we use words that express judgement of others action not our own emotions（disappointed is a good example）。When describing your emotions use I not you。 I feel （insert emotion） when I。。。。 versus I feel X when you。 We have to get clear on what our needs are and get comfortable asking for what we need。Th This is the best book I've read this year。Key take aways， while others may trigger and emotion they are not the cause of it。 The cause is always within ourselves。Express emotion not judgement。 Often we use words that express judgement of others action not our own emotions（disappointed is a good example）。When describing your emotions use I not you。 I feel （insert emotion） when I。。。。 versus I feel X when you。 We have to get clear on what our needs are and get comfortable asking for what we need。The best way to get what we need is to have conversations where we can listen to the needs of others， and make sure we have acknowledge their needs。 Are our needs being met？ Are others needs being met？ If not what can we do about it？ I'm feeling really inspired and plan on taking a NVC course after using the skills in this book in work and family situations after just a few weeks。 It's amazing how removing aggressive， blaming language changes dynamics and creates pathways for me to get what I really want from various situations。 。。。more

Gabriela Menin ，

A must read！ What a difference would it make in the world if everyone would at least try to apply Marshall’s lessons into their lives。 Loved it！

M Reading ，

What->How-> Why。Some people watch the plots and get instinct reactions;Some people try different methods to forgive others and calm down themselves;Some people wonder the reason for causing the anger from both sides。Normal people;Educated people;Philosophers。

Sara Budarz ，

Over lunch a few years ago， one of my besties and I were talking about how we and others talk to each other， and she mentioned how much reading this book changed the way she talked to her child and how different it was from how most of us had been raised。 I wrote down the title， but then it got lost in my long list of books to read。 But then I noticed how many start-ups in Berlin list their corporate communication style as based on NVC （Nonviolent Communication） and after seeing the title pop up Over lunch a few years ago， one of my besties and I were talking about how we and others talk to each other， and she mentioned how much reading this book changed the way she talked to her child and how different it was from how most of us had been raised。 I wrote down the title， but then it got lost in my long list of books to read。 But then I noticed how many start-ups in Berlin list their corporate communication style as based on NVC （Nonviolent Communication） and after seeing the title pop up time and again， I decided it was finally time to take it off the shelf and read it。 Admittedly， it was hard to get into the book。 NVC was developed during the 1960s， and the language very much echos this era， and this made it hard for me to not feel like this material was already dated。 But after a while， I found my way into the material， and started really enjoying it。 The overall verdict？ I'm not sure I agree with all of Rosenberg's assertions or claims （like being able to bring about peace in any conflict within a few minutes） and I don't think I ever got over the clunky phrasings he prefers to use。 （Instead of "Want to grab dinner on Friday？，" you are supposed to ask "Would you be willing to tell me how you feel about the idea of going to dinner on Friday？"） But there is a lot that I also did get out of reading this， most of all the idea of letting go of judgments or criticisms of others and instead focusing on thinking in terms of needs。 What needs of mine are and are not being bet in this interaction？ What needs of others are being met or not met？ For example， a judgement （"That person is so self-involved。 They never even think to ask anyone else how they are doing！） would be replaced with an observation of feelings and unmet needs （"I feel sad， because I have a strong need for connection， and that need is not being met。"） Then， one would need to try to guess at the other party's needs。 （Perhaps they have a need to feel important and a need to be see？）。 Then one needs to extend empathy towards oneself and the other person。 And only then， connected and with needs clarified， one can move on to try to decide how both people's needs can be met。 It is an interesting way of thinking about interactions。 But there was also something that felt a bit cold about the process， but perhaps this is more a result of the stilted language the book uses。 But it is an interesting idea to go from "Bah， the kitchen is dirty！" to "I see unwashed dishes in the kitchen。 I have a need for cleanliness， and this need is currently not being met。" So my goal is more to incorporate the ideas （objectively see the situation， see the emotions， name the need） without creating these overly long sentences。 I also liked his recommendation to always be specific when using language。 Avoid vague statements （"I need more help at work。"） and instead use actionable statements （"I need help at work， and would like to ask you to please spend the first 10 minutes of the morning updating the X。"）But other ideas he proposed that I am still wrapping my head around and am honestly not sure how I feel about them， especially his idea that nobody ever makes you feel anything。 According to Rosenberg， you chose to feel that way because of your interpretation of the situation。 You have full control at all times。 So for example， nobody can hurt you or make your angry。 You choose hurt and anger。 This seems overly simplistic， but I'll keep mulling it over and suspect I'll be wrestling with the content of this book for a while。 But that's a good sign for me。 I like books that are challenging to really incorporate。 So overall: even if a bit quirky， I'd still highly recommend it， especially for those thinking about family dynamics。 。。。more

Michaela ，

this is one to reread。

Jylly ，

WOW。 I thought I was a great communicator and after reading this book I discovered I'm not that great （ouch）。 Our society would be so much more successful if we learned these communication and conflict resolution skills at a young age。 I highly recommend this book。 I'll be practicing as I go forward in life！ Roar！ WOW。 I thought I was a great communicator and after reading this book I discovered I'm not that great （ouch）。 Our society would be so much more successful if we learned these communication and conflict resolution skills at a young age。 I highly recommend this book。 I'll be practicing as I go forward in life！ Roar！ 。。。more

Alex ，

Best book ever！ Specially if you read it 10 times like me and do the training on the side

J。R。 Coltaine ，

I read a recommendation for this specific audiobook edition of this book （5hr 9min version）， and it will probably be life-chaning。 It's a bad title， and the book takes a while to get started。 As with all books， I didn't agree with everything。 I have read a box-full of marriage books and books on communication， and this is one of the best。 I will be thinking about this a lot and reviewing it and trying to put it into practice。 It is so hard to untangle our observations and feelings from judgments I read a recommendation for this specific audiobook edition of this book （5hr 9min version）， and it will probably be life-chaning。 It's a bad title， and the book takes a while to get started。 As with all books， I didn't agree with everything。 I have read a box-full of marriage books and books on communication， and this is one of the best。 I will be thinking about this a lot and reviewing it and trying to put it into practice。 It is so hard to untangle our observations and feelings from judgments， and so hard to untangle them from our words。 This book will help you learn how。 。。。more

Tarik ，

NVC is: 1） observation 2） feeling 3） need 4） request。 It’s that simple。 Personally， I haven’t tried applying it in my life but in theory it seems like a better way to communicate with others。 But better than what， you might ask？ It’s definitely better than yelling， blaming， hitting or ignoring the other party。 But I think we all can， at least in theory， agree that these types of behavior are unhelpful to resolving a conflict。My point is that there’s nothing original/magical/revolutionary/reveali NVC is: 1） observation 2） feeling 3） need 4） request。 It’s that simple。 Personally， I haven’t tried applying it in my life but in theory it seems like a better way to communicate with others。 But better than what， you might ask？ It’s definitely better than yelling， blaming， hitting or ignoring the other party。 But I think we all can， at least in theory， agree that these types of behavior are unhelpful to resolving a conflict。My point is that there’s nothing original/magical/revolutionary/revealing about NVC。 Its another model offering very basic and simple techniques to address a problem。 It can work， but so can many other techniques that we find in our daily lives， in grandma’s words to world religions。————————I want to add here that my criticism above can be applied to so many self help/pop sci books and “soft sciences”。Maybe it is useful to actually have a framework in place no matter how simple it is （like NVC） so that someone may find it more helpful and clearer than lessons one can learn from religion or philosophy。Maybe its just about communicating the message， not the message itself。 。。。more

Franco Avella ，

I read this book a few months ago， but needed to give it time to sink in。 I've applied a lot of the principles from this book into my life and have enjoyed my relationships improve dramatically。 A big theme of the book is to understand people - and avoid patterns like trying to be right （something I'm often guilty of） - and it's made a big difference in my life。 I also really like the sections on personal responsibility and specific examples of how to better express yourself without directing bl I read this book a few months ago， but needed to give it time to sink in。 I've applied a lot of the principles from this book into my life and have enjoyed my relationships improve dramatically。 A big theme of the book is to understand people - and avoid patterns like trying to be right （something I'm often guilty of） - and it's made a big difference in my life。 I also really like the sections on personal responsibility and specific examples of how to better express yourself without directing blame towards somebody。 。。。more

Matt ，

Many years ago I took part in an silent meditation retreat， 10 days straight， 10 hours a day， starting at the ungodly hour of 4。30am。 Being a young man in his mid-twenties， someone deeply absorbed in the world of bright lights， entertainment on-demand， and endless distraction， this withdrawal from sensory objects utterly dissolved， amongst other things， my perception of how I connected with people around me。 Coming off the tail end of a mispent youth， I entered this retreat as someone who took t Many years ago I took part in an silent meditation retreat， 10 days straight， 10 hours a day， starting at the ungodly hour of 4。30am。 Being a young man in his mid-twenties， someone deeply absorbed in the world of bright lights， entertainment on-demand， and endless distraction， this withdrawal from sensory objects utterly dissolved， amongst other things， my perception of how I connected with people around me。 Coming off the tail end of a mispent youth， I entered this retreat as someone who took their many privileges for granted and saw others as a means to an end。 I was also highly reactive when things didn't go my way。 As part of the daily routine during the retreat， evening discourses were given on Buddhist theory， and as theory goes， there were a few words thrown around that are familiar terms in all Buddhist sects: compassion， empathy， and loving kindness。 Most of these were just that to me， words， nothing else。 I didn't understand their meaning， their true meaning - the feelings they represent。 I didn't understand until everything else that seemed so much more important was stripped away， and I could truly consider how genuine compassion and empathy for others has rippled effects on my own and other's wellbeing。Ever since then I have grappled with how to truly empathise with others。 All I knew was it was a worthwhile endeavour。 So I tried meta， or loving kindness， meditation techniques， I tried visualisations， I tried bending over backwards for people， for stepping on egg shells around others。 Pushing myself to be so nice to people that I would occasionally snap and become the asshole I was trying so desperately to avoid。 In the end I came to the conclusion that most people don't want to be empathised with， at least as a response to the methods that I was using。 The key ingredient that was missing was effective communication。 It was important to me that Rosendberg delved into the different styles of communication that do not facilitate connection， as these were the kinds of strategies that I was using。 He asks his readers to practice seeing （guessing） the motives behind people's actions and language， and attempting to connect to their needs through the careful detective work of non-violent， life-affirming communication。 From a self-development perspective， your ability to be specific with your internal monologue can also have profound effects on how you process external difficulties， how you manage your emotions， and your ability to read complex social interactions through the lens of needs and intentions。 After reading this I am starting to understand that it is easy to label actions as wrong， it is easy to label people's intentions as wrong， but it is inhumane to deny someone their intent on fulfilling their needs， as long as their needs are clearly defined。 Everyone has the same base psychological needs: understanding， meaning， support， honesty。 Explicating these values from our day-to-day interactions， we allow ourselves to see the hidden meaning of things， transform the complex to the intelligible， and forge our ability to connect with people in a way that is beneficial for both parties。 。。。more

Omikun ，

Essential in business and relationship。 For those moments when anger looms overhead and you want the person provoking you to stop or fix an issue。 This book teaches you how to express what you are feeling and what you want done about it in a non-judgemental way and when applied in good faith （and received in good faith） can effect positive outcomes in your life。

Sloane Virago ，

This book had a lot of useful information on communicating nonviolently。 I actually have been using it with my toddler， and he seems to listen better when I explain how I feel and what I need。

Krsiak Daniel ，

Worth reading。 Good advice。 Lots of things we do without realizing。 But seriously repetitive， could be easily 50% shorter。

Ayşegül ，

Kitabın özünde， farklı boyutlar ve örneklerle empatik tepki verebilmek detaylandırılmış。 Bolca örnek diyalog ve bölüm sonu soruları olduğu için öğrendikleriniz havada kalmıyor。

Laura ，

Has been tremendously helpful for me， as an Adult Child to begin to recognize and name feelings and needs and has tremendously helped improve my relationship with my two teen boys and their father， as well as my husband and our roommate。

Jessica Letaw ，

A life-affirming book。 I read a copy from the library， but I'll be adding it to my home library as soon as I can。 A life-affirming book。 I read a copy from the library， but I'll be adding it to my home library as soon as I can。 。。。more

Magdalena Sośnierz ，

Świetna！Pomijając piosenki/wiersze （sic！） i niektóre hamerykańskie wstawki

Brieanna ，

This is such a valuable little book！ I majored in interpersonal communication in college—and it would have been so helpful to have read a book like this。The title of the book， and the name “Nonviolent Communication” simply doesn’t do it justice。 It implies that it’s teaching about the opposite of being violent—and while I’d agree with that， it’s really more a book about reaching into our humanity and connecting with the humanity in others。It’s about identifying the unmet needs behind our emotion This is such a valuable little book！ I majored in interpersonal communication in college—and it would have been so helpful to have read a book like this。The title of the book， and the name “Nonviolent Communication” simply doesn’t do it justice。 It implies that it’s teaching about the opposite of being violent—and while I’d agree with that， it’s really more a book about reaching into our humanity and connecting with the humanity in others。It’s about identifying the unmet needs behind our emotions and communicating what we’re feeling and needing through that awareness。 It’s about also hearing what the other person is feeling and needing and reflecting back what they’re saying。 In this way， we are heard and seen and can move towards solutions instead of condemning others for their wrongness。If you’re looking to communicate with others in a more meaningful way， you will enjoy this book。 I love the way it’s written， edited and organized as well。 Easy， concise， clear and direct。 Written with passion， heart and clarity。 Grateful for this little gem。 。。。more

Carolyn Tragasz ，

Life changing。 I cannot think of anyone who would not benefit from reading this instruction manual for practical and radical compassion。

Pau ，

Es para ti si: quieres conectar con tus emociones y necesidades y expresarlas asertivamenteAunque pueda parecer un tratado sobre comunicación， es mucho más que eso。 Se trata de un libro que te mostrará cómo contactar con tu verdadero interior， ayudándote a identificar， expresar y tomar responsabilidad sobre tus emociones。Marshall Rosenberg fue un psicólogo estadounidense que creó la comunicación no violenta， un estilo de comunicación que permite intercambiar la información necesaria para resolve Es para ti si: quieres conectar con tus emociones y necesidades y expresarlas asertivamenteAunque pueda parecer un tratado sobre comunicación， es mucho más que eso。 Se trata de un libro que te mostrará cómo contactar con tu verdadero interior， ayudándote a identificar， expresar y tomar responsabilidad sobre tus emociones。Marshall Rosenberg fue un psicólogo estadounidense que creó la comunicación no violenta， un estilo de comunicación que permite intercambiar la información necesaria para resolver conflictos sin generar enfados ni malentendidos， y que te libera para expresar tus necesidades。Rosenberg propone que la mayoría de disputas nacen del hábito de esconder nuestras necesidades y criticar a los demás cuando no las satisfacen， y explica una fórmula， parecida a la asertividad， para expresarlas de forma que la gente empatice con nosotros。 Imprescindible si sientes que te expresas de forma demasiado agresiva o pasiva。 。。。more

Conor Campbell ，

Very enjoyable and well spoken。 I have the audiobook version， and although I don't usually enjoy them， I really enjoyed this one Very enjoyable and well spoken。 I have the audiobook version， and although I don't usually enjoy them， I really enjoyed this one 。。。more

Div ，

A must read for anyone trying to understand the why behind our actions everyday。 We do things and have expectations based on society conditioning。We struggle when things are not going our way。。 but that's the best part of life。。 full of surprise in every moment ready for us if we open our eyes and see in full empathy and compassion。Thank you！ A must read for anyone trying to understand the why behind our actions everyday。 We do things and have expectations based on society conditioning。We struggle when things are not going our way。。 but that's the best part of life。。 full of surprise in every moment ready for us if we open our eyes and see in full empathy and compassion。Thank you！ 。。。more

Blair ，

It took me ages to read this because it was a lot to absorb。 Not that it was confusing or deeply challenging but because it felt so practical and there was so much good stuff to think about and work on in real life。I absolutely love the idea of finding away to reduce conflict and increase understanding。At one point in the book he talks about a father who makes a cheat sheet from the NVC （Nonviolent Communication） sills that he would use in family discussions。 A great idea。 I think I might have t It took me ages to read this because it was a lot to absorb。 Not that it was confusing or deeply challenging but because it felt so practical and there was so much good stuff to think about and work on in real life。I absolutely love the idea of finding away to reduce conflict and increase understanding。At one point in the book he talks about a father who makes a cheat sheet from the NVC （Nonviolent Communication） sills that he would use in family discussions。 A great idea。 I think I might have to make one too。 。。。more

Ehsan Samarbafzadeh ，

I enjoyed the audio version of the book。 It presented a perspective of human interaction I was less familiar with。 It left me thinking about my day to day communications with others and gave me the motivation to reconsider the way I communicate。I would warn you that this is not a prescription book。 Just by reading it， your problems with the way you communicate with others will not vanish。 Rather， it will give you a foundation to better understand your interactions with others and especially figu I enjoyed the audio version of the book。 It presented a perspective of human interaction I was less familiar with。 It left me thinking about my day to day communications with others and gave me the motivation to reconsider the way I communicate。I would warn you that this is not a prescription book。 Just by reading it， your problems with the way you communicate with others will not vanish。 Rather， it will give you a foundation to better understand your interactions with others and especially figure out why things might go wrong。 。。。more

Conor ，

Believe it or not， I actually heard of this book from Archer （S06E11） of all places。 It has stayed at the back of my mind for a while， subject to a good deal of interest with a very healthy dose of skepticism。 After I ordered it， it stayed on my bookshelf for a few months， and the foreword by pseudo-science charlatan Deepak Chopra （unread， and will remain so until the end of time） didn't help to assuage this skepticism。Despite this， my expectations were blown away。 I learned a lot of key insight Believe it or not， I actually heard of this book from Archer （S06E11） of all places。 It has stayed at the back of my mind for a while， subject to a good deal of interest with a very healthy dose of skepticism。 After I ordered it， it stayed on my bookshelf for a few months， and the foreword by pseudo-science charlatan Deepak Chopra （unread， and will remain so until the end of time） didn't help to assuage this skepticism。Despite this， my expectations were blown away。 I learned a lot of key insights not only about the way I communicate with others， but perhaps more importantly about the way I communicate with myself。 There were a number of critiques I couldn't dismiss， ranging from "alright man， get over yourself" to "that's abusive"， but despite that， I can't give this anything less than 5 stars。 I'll probably read it a second time， and perhaps even a third。Before I do， I have to air some issues。 The first is that the appropriateness of NVC can often times be way overstated。 Rosenberg claims to have taught and applied NVC in a number of conflicts， and that it was a resounding success。 Given the asinine power disparity between Israelis and Palestinians， the arrogance with which Rosenberg counts his workshops a success just leaves a bad taste in my mouth。 Furthermore， given the outcome， we can hardly be expected to believe that NVC is an appropriate choice in some of the situations that Rosenberg claims it is or can be。 The result is probably closer to "normalization"， a term I'm sure that Rosenberg is familiar with， given his experiences with the conflict。 I don't mean to suggest that NVC could not be applied even in the most heated， violent， or seemingly irreconcilable situations as a starting point， but Rosenberg's threshold for the use of "protective use of force" （or his ability to recognize such situations） is dangerously naïve， and threatens to reproduce and sustain oppression。The second is that the examples given are typically difficult to apply， let alone reproduce。 Many of the conversations encountered in the book sound so unnatural that a literal interpretation would more likely than not lead to less connection， rather than more。 Some of the fixed phrases that Rosenberg suggests that one ought to use work on a theoretical basis， but are unlikely to pan out in practice。 I can think of many situations where， for instance， Rosenberg's vision of "empathy" can often come off as patronizing。 Nonetheless， it's hard to fault the book on this one。 Even suspending disbelief， most of the conversations read as just so stilted no matter what tone of voice you try out that you almost have to laugh。 Even if Rosenberg believes otherwise， this doesn't work well as a handbook for NVC， but the content （up to and including the examples offered） can nonetheless be used to understand its basic principles， and perhaps effect practice if considerable amount of effort is given。I tried some of these principles in conversations （after sharing my experience reading with those close to me） and despite the stilted nature of Rosenberg's "real-world examples"， I found them to be far more refreshing and enjoyable。 The most honest that Rosenberg is when it comes to NVC is when he says that it's not easy， but despite my initial skepticism， I think it's definitely worth it。 I read the third edition。 If there's a fourth， my only humble （unsolicited） advice would be to lose the scam artist's foreword and try to walk back some of the more bombastic claims about the success of NVC。 Let the work speak for itself--because it does。 。。。more

Loki ，

An essential tool for enhancing ones ability to effectively communicate with others。 Should be required reading of all managers in business but is wonderful for anyone

Marcin Golenia ，

If everyone would read this book （and learn from it） the world would be a better place。 I was amazed while going through the 4-steps of NVC model。 It was like this;Right！ Let's go with this "observations" thing - this shouldn't be hard。 Once you get through you may think that the next step: feelings should be easy。 It is not， it just struck me how many people around me， and me myself are not able to talk about feelings！ （Sorry for judging ;D）。 Once you get through the feelings part you may think If everyone would read this book （and learn from it） the world would be a better place。 I was amazed while going through the 4-steps of NVC model。 It was like this;Right！ Let's go with this "observations" thing - this shouldn't be hard。 Once you get through you may think that the next step: feelings should be easy。 It is not， it just struck me how many people around me， and me myself are not able to talk about feelings！ （Sorry for judging ;D）。 Once you get through the feelings part you may think that the "needs" part is easy。Again！ It is not。 Believe me or not same happens with the last step。 Once Dr。 Rosenberg uses the NVC model for listening the same story happens again。I am happy that I read the book。 I already tried to use NVC （better or worse - there's a lot of practice ahead of me） but this really helps！ When I swallowed my ego and turned to the person with empathy despite hearing tough words we made it to get to the constructive end。 I am already eager to try this at work ;）I strongly recommend this book to parents， employees， bosses， spouses。。。 everyone！ 。。。more

Reference

google book https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&q=Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

hathitrust digital library https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/ls?q1=Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life&field1=ocr&a=srchls&ft=ft&lmt=ft

The British Library https://bll01.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/discovery/search?query=any,contains,Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life&tab=LibraryCatalog&search_scope=Not_BL_Suppress&vid=44BL_INST:BLL01&lang=en&offset=0